The Pulling Back Time

Lancaster County has been under stay-at-home orders (house arrest) since March 27, 2020 due to the COVID-19 Pandemic. I see on social media that this situation has not been easy for many of us; and some days, I struggle too.

I think back to my time in Embudo, NM – a town in between Taos and Santa Fe (a.k.a., the middle of nowhere), where I knew no one and had very few resources nearby other than the local Walmart. It was a far cry from the East Coast where I could get anything I wanted at any hour of the day, all just a short drive away. And now this. It feels a little too familiar! Life is funny.

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Dreamwork: Fighting the Smoke Dragon

Tree adorned with shoes, somewhere along HWY 50, the "loneliest highway in America"

In November 2010, I decided to drive across the country to start a new life out in California. True to form, things weren’t going so well with the relationship I was in for the last three years and I just felt like it was time for a change – a big change. My plan was to volunteer at the Sivananda Yoga Farm in Grass Valley and start looking for an apartment and a place to work, with the ashram as my temporary home base.

Back then, I didn’t really have a smart phone or GPS, so I was using my trusty U.S. map and my boyfriend’s recommendations during our telephone calls about the best routes to travel. He had been across the country a couple of times, so he knew where I wouldn’t get stuck in the middle of the night with nowhere to get gas if I needed it. I’m sure those of you who live out West totally understand what I mean!

This trip came with a lot of doubts. Was I was doing the right thing? Should I leave my family behind on the East Coast? Was I even going to make it to California alive by myself? Could I make it work once I got there? Life is never black and white; it’s always full of unknowns. So every day I pushed through my worries, my self-doubt, and my fears. And just drove. Some days twelve hour stretches at a time.

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Yoga as a Healing Tool

This is the fifth article in the series, “The 12 Healing Tools“. These articles outline the things that I have found most useful in my journey to overcome childhood trauma and abuse, drug addiction, and debilitating depression.

I put off writing this article because it’s a pretty deep topic for me. There are so many reasons why yoga helped me, some of which I continue to learn about based on scientific research1, 2; and the ways that it helped me are vast and continue to unfold every year I practice. So I suppose I will start at the beginning, even though the beginning was pretty boring. 😉

One of my friends suggested we sign up for a series of Wellspan Health yoga classes around 2003 (don’t quote me on exact dates). I remember it being a struggle financially for both of us. We were single females in recovery and it seemed like there was barely enough money for the basics, much less something frivolous like a yoga class. But somehow, we found a way.

I don’t remember feeling like much was happening in the beginning – unlike during the free Buddhist meditation classes we were also attending around the same time. If anything, I felt self-conscious and really out of place! But for whatever reason, I kept trying to find affordable classes to attend.

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Being Forced into A New Paradigm

Screen Shot 2020-03-19 at 3.16.11 PM

One of my friends posted this today on Instagram. I really love it. For so long I’ve wondered why humans behave the way they do, preaching one thing while doing another. And why it always takes a cataclysmic event for us to get a clue and work in harmony together with the Earth.

And so here we are: COVID-19. Forcing us to work together to ‘save the economy’ and implement ‘social distancing’ simultaneously.

I felt the desperation and anxiety over not having our basic needs met when I was out over the weekend, triggering a bit of my own. And as days pass, I see via social media that ‘social distancing’ is not going well for many. I find it to be another interesting phenomenon, another kind of ‘mental pandemic’, a constant need to be distracted and the fear of not having enough.

As a self-proclaimed loner who much prefers my own company – and that of my pets – I thought I’d dive a little bit deeper into this topic and maybe help someone along the way.

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Why I’m Taking COVID-19 Seriously

After many weeks of downplaying the latest corona virus as yet another “flu epidemic” like the swine flu or bird flu, I decided to check out the astrological perspective regarding this most recent pandemic. Turns out, it’s in the cards for humanity during this particular point in time and space. Like Marley says, “None of them can stop the time.”

Check out why this “black swan event” was set to occur this year:

And how the New York Times parrots that astrological prediction:

Here’s to hoping that we’re all wrong!

Near the Ides of March 2020

I’m not sure if I should write this post or not… I may remove it in a few days. So if you get a chance to read it, there must be a reason for it.

Last year, I was visited by my Star Family with more frequency than ever. They provided resolution to some things about my Earth Family that bothered me for many years (like how I shouldn’t concern myself with their problems or fixing the family karma since I wasn’t *really* one of them – I just needed a conduit to incarnate at the right time to fulfill my destiny). They also seemed to be checking in on me, just to make sure that I was ok.

In September of 2019, after my stepdad died of Stage IV lung cancer, I had already come to the conclusion – for the second time in my life – that the pursuit of material things was really a load of B.S. and an external focus made me incredibly unhappy. All of the struggle to get the barn renovated and the yoga studio up and running ended up with the local township being like, “OH, HEY … BTW… you’re not up to code and there’s this whole Preserved Farm thing to think about too…” So everything I was trying to create got shut down almost as quickly as it started.

I also noticed towards the end of 2019 that I began to feel ‘abandoned’ at times during my healing work. Telepathic messages were coming to me during meditation and in my sleep that I was bringing too many spirits into this plane during breathwork sessions and other classes – spirits that didn’t have the best interests of this planet at heart. I felt my ‘powers’ (siddhis) decreasing and I got the message from my Spirit Guides that I shouldn’t keep doing the work that I was doing. In fact, maybe I was traumatizing others. And so things played out the way they did. After it all shut down, I resolved to go back to my solitary pursuits of making art, blogging, traveling, etc. Maybe that was my guides’ way of preparing me for social distancing in advance!

By October of 2019 – after finally giving up on the hope that I could ever make anything happen here at Drager Farms – I decided to visit the Sivananda ashram in the Bahamas for the first time in about 5 years, to reconnect with my true mission in this lifetime: enlightenment. One night as I sat in meditation, I heard the message: “They [the Sivananda organization] are no longer in our favour.” WTF? I definitely noticed the organization cutting corners and not bringing in the big names, but were they/are they really in trouble? The truth is yet to be revealed on that one.

Then just recently, the founder of Kundalini yoga, Yogi Bhajan, was accused of inappropriate sexual behavior in some kind of #MeTooKundalini movement. And the fear of COVID-19 seems to be causing many to forego their attendance at Sat Nam Fest in May – which may lead to the bankruptcy of the Sat Nam Foundation. The whole future of that tradition seems to be hanging in the balance, right along with that of the Catholic church.

Wow… I’m not really sure where I’m going with all of this. Just so many disparate whispers over the last several years seeming to come together and too much to think about as life as we know it seems to be crumbling into pieces.

And then there’s this: The age of Aquarius ends the age of Grace

Have the gods truly left us in this battle? Are we really on our own? Have we proven that we’re hopeless once again, like so many other times before?

All I can say is: Stay strong. Stay centered. Meditate and keep up with your practice. Ask for divine assistance each and every day. And I totally understand why caves were the preferred place to achieve enlightenment!

I hope that all of you are staying well and at peace.


Why I Decided to Drastically Cut Back on Social Media

In September of 2019, I watched my stepdad (Joe) take some of his last breaths on Earth. His cause of death was Stage IV lung cancer. I witnessed others die while volunteering at hospice, so I certainly didn’t think that my stepfather’s death would have any more of an impact than the ones I already saw. After all, Joe and I were never really close.

But I was wrong.

Watching Joe die, going to the funeral, and the whole grieving process brought up the loss of my grandmother and the separation with most of my family that occurred due to her death. It brought up a sense of sadness that I never really knew this man that was the closest thing to a dad I ever had. And of course, it brought up all the painful memories that this man had given me through his years of addiction and abuse.

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The Science Behind Holding the Breath

I am a huge fan of pranayama and breathwork. I have experienced numerous benefits – physically, mentally, and emotionally – from learning how to manipulate the breath for energy and health. But how does it work and why? Check out these articles from Dr. John Douillard:

If you’re looking for guidance on pranayama or other breathing techniques, book an appointment with me today!


Riboflavin to Help MTHFR

Over the last few years, I’ve been struggling with high blood pressure. I’m not overweight, I don’t eat a terrible diet, and I practice yoga and meditation. So what gives?

I refused medication for a couple of years, since I believed high blood pressure is merely a symptom of a deeper issue. But since the doctors were unable to find a good reason why my blood pressure was elevated, I finally gave in to medication in the fall of 2019. What a mistake! So many side effects! I weaned myself off in early 2020.

So this year, I decided to dig a little deeper into my genetic predisposition to have high blood pressure. Using the information I gathered from my Nutrahacker DNA Report, I started looking into the recommendation to use ‘riboflavin for high blood pressure’. Seemed easy enough, so I got some.

Apparently, riboflavin can help optimize the methylation cycle in those with the MTHFR variant (like myself). Once the enzymatic activity is restored, homocysteine can be properly recycled, lowering the damaging effects of homocysteine – including high blood pressure.

(Look for more details about my entire ‘blood pressure lowering protocol’ in another post.)