Past Lives & Cellular Memory

I’ve been sleeping on a mat in the barn the last couple of nights and, physically, I am feeling better than I have in months. It reminds me of dreams and visions of other lives I lived here on this planet. Does my body remember how ‘things used to be’ and crave those days of austerities: living simply, not eating much, etc.? And when I don’t live this way, I literally become sick from too much food, too much comfort, too much sitting, too much sleep. JUST.TOO.MUCH. It seems I may not be alone in this either. 1

. . .

Flashback to February 2010

One night during the yoga teacher training course in the Bahamas, I had a very vivid dream where I recalled a number of lives I previously lived on this planet. I was also shown the purpose of a few significant relationships I had up until that point, including the contracts we had signed before incarnating this time around. Contracts that were meant to cause growth through emotional pain. 2 It was incredibly eye-opening.

Continue reading Past Lives & Cellular Memory

An Apology from a Yogi

I think I experienced another dark night of the soul this week. Confronted by yet another [vegan yogic] religious zealot, did I want to continue down the path I’ve been on for the last 15 years? Quite honestly, I’m tired of dealing with the type, growing up in a cult and all. Should I extricate myself from yet another tribe of people that claimed to know what’s “truly” going on?

SOME HISTORY

Things have been very odd since I moved back here to PA at the end of 2016. My graphic design work dried up entirely (after working for the ashram in the Bahamas, an art group in York, and a weird stint with a Jewish group in Lancaster — just a few of the highlights of weirdness). And, I wasn’t able to find work here in PA as a yoga teacher for the first time since I was certified back in 2010.

I began to consider the possibility that teaching yoga wasn’t for me. Maybe it wasn’t my path, even though some astrologers told me teaching enlightenment was. Or some other possibility beyond my limited human point of view?

But, headstrong as I am, I decided in December of 2018, to experiment with my innate god-like creative potential and started practicing the techniques outlined in “The Miracle Morning”. And lo and behold: I got quite a number of gigs teaching yoga at various local places. It worked!

Well… as usual, be very careful — and specific — in what you wish for.

I quickly came to realize: yoga ain’t what it used to be. Maybe my spirit guides were protecting me again from the cold hard truth by not giving me work in the field. Could it be, that in about 50 years, Americans had twisted this beautiful esoteric practice into something physical, mundane, and competitive?

And for that, I will apologize right now. Because for the most part, it seems like these conflicts stem from a very primal part of the psyche that has not yet been healed. And for that… I am sorry.

No one wants to feel judged (as a student OR a teacher). No one wants to compete with their teacher or the person next to them on their mat. No one deserves to feel marginalized for their food and/or lifestyle choices. No one should be made to feel like yoga or meditation is inaccessible to them. And no one should be prevented from connecting to the expansiveness of their Spirit and their soul. And if anyone tells you that you can’t reach the essence of your Self because of what you eat or where you live, you should ask some serious questions about that person’s motives.

The fact is: at some point, your physical body will no longer be able to perform asanas, so all you will be left with is your breath and the inner workings of your own mind. (Sounds eerily like pranayama and meditation, doesn’t it?)

For me, yoga was a path I came upon after years of abuse, drug use, and a near-death experience. It helped to strengthen my mind, my aura, and my soul. It gave my spirit a glimpse into all that Is. It was everything BUT a physical practice for me.

I’m not sure where I’m going with this post, other than to say… yes, this spiritual path has been filled with unexpected twists and turns. So if you’re on one as well, expect the unexpected and never give up on your soul.

https://gretchensuarez.com/abuse-in-yoga/

https://www.yogajournal.com/yoga-101/judgment-calls

https://www.kinoyoga.com/yoga-assignment-the-yoga-judgement-cure/

Let All of Your Actions Be in Praise to the Divine

With every breath you take, remember that you are here out of grace. Your human birth is a true and rare gift. The fact that you opened your eyes for another day on this crazy and awe-inspiring Earth: a miracle!

When you cook a meal, make love, go to work, become upset, talk with someone else… remember that you are manifesting lila, divine play. We create because we are made in God’s image. The divine needs us for his play. Therefore, there is no reason to become attached to any thought, experience or action because it is not you performing these things. It is God manifesting through you.

As an artist, you may have encountered a situation where you had a vision, a dream or some kind of tap on the shoulder about a piece of artwork you should create. You ignore it. Then months later, you see that exact same thing “you” thought of – only someone else did it! This is the divine making his will happen – with or without your cooperation!

All the gods and goddesses, the angels and the devas long to have the human experience. Can you challenge yourself to live for them and let them live through you? May you let your divine light shine! Namaste!

Reflections on 2018

I have to say that 2018 was one of the most difficult years I’ve had in some time. My depression and anxiety were at a level I haven’t experienced in over a decade!

And at every turn I was forced to ask, “Who Am I?” Who am I when I’m not being a ‘graphic designer’? Who am I without the identity of a ‘yoga instructor’? Who am I as I relate to my significant other and as an identity outside this relationship? Who am I as a mother? As a grandmother? As a friend? Who am I in relation to it All?

Continue reading Reflections on 2018

Service to Others

This is the third article in the series, “The 12 Healing Tools“. These articles outline the things that I have found most useful in my journey to overcome childhood trauma and abuse, drug addiction, and debilitating depression.

Once I got clean back in the mid-90s, I really didn’t know who I was or what I was going to do with my life. I grew up with an overbearing mother (to put it mildly), I had no self-esteem, spent years trying to lose myself in men and drugs, etc. etc. etc. It was a rough road for quite a number of years.

The guy that I was with at the time – we’ll call him Marty – who, incidentally met me during my active addiction and stayed with me during rehab and after, convinced me to sign up for Americorps. Honestly, I just wanted the pay out at the end to help pay off my student loans, so I agreed. During this time, Marty also gave me some other volunteer work making art with kids in some local low income housing projects. I spent a full year in Americorps, doing art with kids, making murals, sweeping streets, fixing windows, and basically just giving back to the community. Eventually Marty and I parted ways, but I have to give him credit for this cuz selfless service really changed my life and probably helped keep me clean too.

Continue reading Service to Others

The 12 Steps

This is the second article in the series, “The 12 Healing Tools“. These articles outline the things that I have found most useful in my journey to overcome childhood trauma and abuse, drug addiction, and debilitating depression.


By the mid-90s my drug days were coming to an end. I couldn’t handle the lifestyle. I was tired of chasing the white dragon every day. Tired of seeing my friends die. Tired of feeling like a total waste and hating myself for it. Just TIRED. Life was truly unmanageable as every waking hour was consumed by this substance. I wanted to finally be free from heroin and try to act and feel “normal”, though that was part of the reason why I started to use drugs in the first place – I always felt (and was told) I was ‘different’ and didn’t understand why.

Anyway… after several failed attempts at detox centers and 30-day rehabs, I was somehow admitted to Colonial House for a 90-day inpatient program.

Continue reading The 12 Steps

A Burning Desire to Know the Truth of Reality

I write these words because I am 100% sure there are many more out there who have felt this way and/or are feeling this way right now. I want you to know that you are not alone. And there is a reason for everything that is happening in your life. Have faith, stay strong, keep seeking, and amazing things can happen.


As far back as I can remember, I felt like ‘reality’ wasn’t quite the way it seemed. And I especially knew that things were NOT the way those ‘grown ups’ in charge of me were telling me they were. It always felt like I was missing an important piece of the puzzle, like everybody was holding out on a key piece of information and I didn’t know why.

I remember things that my family tells me I shouldn’t remember – I was too young to remember they say. I feel like I came into life with a lot of memories. Memories that most of us want to forget when we embody, that blissful state of amnesia we choose to operate from most of our lives. But some of us ask to remember, NEED to remember – so we can do the work we came here to do. I am one of Those.

Continue reading A Burning Desire to Know the Truth of Reality

Memorial Day 2016

On this day when many have given their actual lives to fulfill their karmic destinies [read about Arjuna’s dharma as a warrior in the Bhagavad Gita], I decided I should start blogging about the things that have helped me overcome (or at least manage) some of the cards I’ve been dealt in this lifetime — as part of my service to humanity. Perhaps this small step will push me into writing that book so many astrologers and psychics have told me I’m destined to write! Lol

I will outline the ways that have helped me here and go into each of them in more detail in the following weeks. I will list them in the order in which they appeared in my life:

  1. A Burning Desire to Know the Truth of Reality
  2. The 12 Steps (or “Street Vedanta”)
  3. Service to Others
  4. Diet
  5. Yoga
  6. Meditation
  7. Pranayama / Breathwork
  8. Self Love
  9. Energy Healing
  10. Astrology
  11. Surrender
  12. Human Design

STAY TUNED! This could be good… ;-P

To Be a Particle of God

We are all sent here to EXPERIENCE, to make the Divine Consciousness more whole and complete. We can help to answer the questions: What does it mean to be human? What are these emotions? What does this version of consciousness feel like? What is Love and can it really conquer all?

As humans, we forget The Experience, the Divine Play. We get wrapped up in it. We identify with our role and forget that we are all merely actors, cells in the right hand of God.

How do we get back to our Essence?

Forget attachment to the results of ANYTHING. Let go of the EGO. Simply play your part as one piece of the greater whole. Experience and savor every moment, every emotion, every thought, every THING — “good” or “bad”. Want money? OK. Go for it, but don’t make it your sole purpose. Want a family? Experience the joy of that sacred community but don’t let it own you. In all things material, work for the greater good and keep in mind that moderation is the key. And if the mind experiences suffering, then attachment and ego are involved. So check yo’self before you wreck yo’self.

We are the wave and the ocean. Remember.

Changes

It seems that life is changing so quickly these days. From the predicted amount of snow to the actual amount that falls to the ground, it’s hard to know which way is up some days. They say this is the way it will be in these times and only those that can stand on their heads will be able to see which way is up. The Gita says that life is like a public inn, people come and people go and there is no need for attachment. And I agree. But these little gems of wisdom can be difficult to accept at times, for sure.

“One does not become enlightened by imagining beings of light, but by making the darkness conscious.” — Carl Jung

Continue reading Changes