I think I experienced another dark night of the soul this week. Confronted by yet another [vegan yogic] religious zealot, did I want to continue down the path I’ve been on for the last 15 years? Quite honestly, I’m tired of dealing with the type, growing up in a cult and all. Should I extricate myself from yet another tribe of people that claimed to know what’s “truly” going on?
Things have been very odd since I moved back here to PA at the end of 2016. My graphic design work dried up entirely (after working for the ashram in the Bahamas, an art group in York, and a weird stint with a Jewish group in Lancaster — just a few of the highlights of weirdness). And, I wasn’t able to find work here in PA as a yoga teacher for the first time since I was certified back in 2010.
I began to consider the possibility that teaching yoga wasn’t for me. Maybe it wasn’t my path, even though some astrologers told me teaching enlightenment was. Or some other possibility beyond my limited human point of view?
But, headstrong as I am, I decided in December of 2018, to experiment with my innate god-like creative potential and started practicing the techniques outlined in “The Miracle Morning”. And lo and behold: I got quite a number of gigs teaching yoga at various local places. It worked!
Well… as usual, be very careful — and specific — in what you wish for.
I quickly came to realize: yoga ain’t what it used to be. Maybe my spirit guides were protecting me again from the cold hard truth by not giving me work in the field. Could it be, that in about 50 years, Americans had twisted this beautiful esoteric practice into something physical, mundane, and competitive?
And for that, I will apologize right now. Because for the most part, it seems like these conflicts stem from a very primal part of the psyche that has not yet been healed. And for that… I am sorry.
No one wants to feel judged (as a student OR a teacher). No one wants to compete with their teacher or the person next to them on their mat. No one deserves to feel marginalized for their food and/or lifestyle choices. No one should be made to feel like yoga or meditation is inaccessible to them. And no one should be prevented from connecting to the expansiveness of their Spirit and their soul. And if anyone tells you that you can’t reach the essence of your Self because of what you eat or where you live, you should ask some serious questions about that person’s motives.
The fact is: at some point, your physical body will no longer be able to perform asanas, so all you will be left with is your breath and the inner workings of your own mind. (Sounds eerily like pranayama and meditation, doesn’t it?)
For me, yoga was a path I came upon after years of abuse, drug use, and a near-death experience. It helped to strengthen my mind, my aura, and my soul. It gave my spirit a glimpse into all that Is. It was everything BUT a physical practice for me.
I’m not sure where I’m going with this post, other than to say… yes, this spiritual path has been filled with unexpected twists and turns. So if you’re on one as well, expect the unexpected and never give up on your soul.